The Fremont Podcast
The only podcast dedicated to telling the stories of the people and places of Fremont, CA. The diversity and integration of people and cultures of Fremont truly makes it a special place. This podcast explores these stories.
The Fremont Podcast
Episode 123: NARIKA is helping survivors of domestic violence (tell people).
NARIKA is a local organization that is helping survivors of domestic violence.
HELPLINE: 1 800 215 7308
...and while they will help ANYONE in need of their services, they tell us 75% of their clients are from the South Asian community.
They want their community to start talking about domestic violence. They want everyone to understand what domestic violence is (it is not just physical).
They want to encourage survivors to seek help. They want people to understand: It is not your fault, you did not fail.
If you need help, call the helpline: 1 800 215 7308
If you would like to help with donations or volunteering, click here.
And if you want to help in a big way... On Sunday, September 8th 2024. NARIKA will hold their 32nd Annual Gala Tarang - An Evening of Light & Hope at Wente Vineyards in Livermore CA. Guest of Honor this year is artist and social activist Shabana Azmi.
If you would like to contact The Fremont Podcast, please text us here.
Petrocelli Homes has been a key sponsor of The Fremont Podcast from the beginning. If you are looking for a realtor, get in touch with Petrocelli Homes on Niles Blvd in Fremont.
Haller's Pharmacy is here to help. They have been in our community for decades.
Founder: Ricky B.
Intro and outro voice-overs made by Gary Williams.
Editor: Andrew Cavette.
Scheduling and pre-interviews by the amazing virtual assistant that you ought to hire, seriously, she's great: your.virtual.ace
This is a Muggins Media Podcast.
a small courtyard right off the side of the Mission San Jose. It's very close to the intersection between Mission Boulevard and Washington Boulevard. It's peaceful and relatively quiet. It has benches and a concrete platform with trees and flowers and trash cans that you can use. This is a story about people finding a use for little places. If you give them those little places.
Speaker 1:This is a courtyard that's basically public and so, yeah, anyone could come in and sit down and do whatever they want. But the reason I'm bothering to mention it is because people have found a use for this little space. It's developed organically. There's a group of people who come here regularly to exercise, or, at a minimum, they make it a stop on their run to stretch. I've seen people who regularly make this place a dinner spot, a picnic place for themselves. I saw one person make this into an office spot, a picnic place for themselves. I saw one person make this into an office space, at least temporarily. There are power plugs here. I don't know if they work, but it's a lovely place to get some work done. I guess if I have a point, it's that if you provide space to people, they will find a use for it, and if you don't, then they probably won't think of it, so we should.
Speaker 2:You are listening to episode 123 of the Fremont Podcast, dedicated to telling the stories of the past and present of the people and places of the city of Fremont. One conversation at a time.
Speaker 3:There was no reporting domestic violence and there were no words calling this domestic violence. There were no terms. Even now I don't think in local languages there are terms to say this is domestic violence. I, at least in my language. I don't know Wow.
Speaker 2:Now here's your host, Ricky B.
Speaker 4:Somebody could be listening to this podcast, or it could be, you know, um hearing a presentation that you guys give about what you offer and they might think, well, that's not me, that's not my situation, and there's kind of like the reservation to even reach out for help, because whether it's just feeling you know the person is feeling responsible for the problems that they're going through, or whether it's just the guilt of being a part of something that would bring shame on your family or on your community or whatever, or it's just that I need to be stronger and be able to deal with my own problems, because there's a difficulty in defining what domestic abuse is. In defining what domestic abuse is, it might be that people just would pass up on this and just go on. So how would you define domestic abuse? If you're trying to help somebody understand whether their situation they're in is something that they need to think differently about, how would you define it for them?
Speaker 3:Okay. So my first point would be that physical abuse is not the only form of domestic abuse. Most survivors go through emotional abuse, which is as bad or worse than physical abuse, bad or worse than physical abuse. So what is emotional abuse? Emotional abuse, like Jasya mentioned, involves a lot of the gaslighting, right? Some gaslighting is very subtle, like the community saying, oh, you're saying he's abusive to you, but there's no need for him to abuse he had. He's well educated, he has a good, high paying job, so, and then that thought process in the clients mind okay, am I overthinking this? Yeah, he is educated, he is providing. You know, my kids are going to good schools, whatever, so they gaslight. That's subtle forms of gaslighting, right? That is emotional abuse.
Speaker 3:Do you have access to money where you don't have to beg that person for you? I'm not talking about expensive stuff, I'm talking about basic needs, like your basic needs, what you need, like getting going for a doctor checkup, going for to the dentist, getting your basic needs like sanitary napkins. Are you begging this person or do you have access to that, you know? And verbal abuse, you know. And, uh, many clients tell us oh, oh, you know he probably had a bad day, he's a nice person, but, you know, once in a while this happens. He shouts at me or screams at me. But our thing is is this a cycle? Okay, if it happened once in a while, he apologized and corrected that behavior, then it's not domestic violence. But if this is happening, it may happen once in three months, but the rest of the two months and 29 days are you walking on eggshells because you're thinking this explosion needs to, is going to come and you are altering your life based to prevent. That right. That is. Control, that's right, that is control.
Speaker 4:So yeah, so um yeah, the control, I think, element is what I'm hearing, especially in um somebody trying to do whatever they can to make sure they have what they need, or or trying to, like you said, walk on eggshells or whatever, just not having the freedom to be able to live a normal life, having to orient your life around somebody else's responses or their control over you.
Speaker 3:And it can be. Most of it is a lot of coercion right, and sometimes the coercion is very passive-aggressive. It's like the abuser may not talk to the person, so you feel coerced. Okay, maybe I did something wrong, let me not do that again. So you're constantly trying to alter your life to fit the mood swings of this other person, so that that person is not causing an explosion at home.
Speaker 4:Jossie, do you have any? Addition to that definition, to that idea, yeah.
Speaker 5:Domestic violence is rooted in having power and control over somebody, and so I think where, if there is not clear-cut abuse, where it might be like physical abuse sometimes people can struggle with identifying, like, am I in an abusive situation? Because, like Breba was saying, domestic violence involves a pattern of behavior. It doesn't just happen one time, and I think that's because it's a pattern. Someone has to experience things repeatedly to even be able to, sort of like, identify it right. That's right.
Speaker 5:And so I think that, think that that's an unfortunate aspect, right to where you're having to identify this pattern, and so I think some key things that you know. Someone maybe can ask themselves is you know, am, am I able to communicate my needs and are are my needs being heard? Um, or does it like? Or does it like always, always become a fight? You know it? Does it become like oh, I'm, I'm asking for too much, my needs are too?
Speaker 2:much Am.
Speaker 5:I being too dramatic. Um, you know, are like are my, are my boundaries being crossed? Um, and I would say, would say like an important thing is to be able to have agency in your relationship. Um, because the thing is, um, uh, there's a lot of information that you know folks can like google online to to understand what different forms of abuse can look like. Um, um, so, because, because domestic violence is, it's, it's unfortunately not a cookie cutter, right, but the thing is, am I, am I able to have agency, communicate my needs and communicate them in a safe manner?
Speaker 2:because usually the answer is no to all of those in a domestic violence situation Usually the answer is no to all of those in a domestic violence situation.
Speaker 5:Wow.
Speaker 4:Well, it's good to have you guys here today. You both are, so you work for Narika, right, and Narika is an organization. Is it a nonprofit? Yes, okay, but you guys are not volunteers though. You guys are employed there or you are volunteers.
Speaker 5:No we are staff volunteers.
Speaker 4:Okay, very good. So, prabha, what is Narika Like? What tell me? Tell me a little bit about what it is as an organization, what they do and and how long they've been around.
Speaker 3:So Narika has been around since 1992, which is almost 32 years. So we are a non-profit. Two years so we are a non-profit. We work with domestic violence survivors from the Bay Area, but our focus is on the South Asian population going through domestic violence.
Speaker 5:We, our services extend start with our helpline, where people call into our helpline 800-215-7308. So our helpline number is 800-215-7308. And our helpline operates from Monday through Friday, 8am to 8pm. So if a survivor needs help or you know, if you know somebody that needs help and you want to talk to a domestic violence advocate, you can reach out to speak to someone. And everything that's spoken about on the helpline is confidential. That's great.
Speaker 3:And we do the needs assessment and we do whatever is necessary they may some of them may need to get out immediately, so we have emergency safe nights program where we can bring them in or place them in other domestic violence shelters. We continue to do case management, like giving them legal consultation, help with paperwork like restraining order and divorce. We help them, we connect them to therapists, culturally responsive therapists who are trauma-informed and that they've worked with domestic violence survivors.
Speaker 4:Okay, okay Is Narika? Is it local or is it an organization? That's all over the place.
Speaker 3:So we are based in Alameda County in Fremont and we serve anyone calling us, but our services can, like case management, can only extend to people living in California, because legal support and everything has to be local, okay. But we do get calls, even from India. Oh, wow, yes that's because we have many clients who have been abandoned. It's called transnational abandonment.
Speaker 4:Oh, my word. Yeah, oh my word, Wow. So how did you hear about Narika? You said that you were. It started in 1992. What was your introduction to this organization?
Speaker 3:So, like I said, I just I was introduced to one of the co-founders about, I think, 93. And she was talking about but it was like grassroots, it's still, we're still grassroots. You know about how, you know this and, like I said, that was my first introduction. I didn't even know that organizations existed to help something like this at cost like this.
Speaker 4:Wow. So it was kind of a shock to you that this kind of organization Shock and a very pleasant surprise.
Speaker 3:Okay, why is?
Speaker 4:it so surprising? What is it about what you experienced in your introduction to that? Why is that such a surprise to you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so back home, domestic violence is not something you talk about. This is something a family deals with it. There were no laws at that time to support domestic violence Nobody. There was no reporting domestic violence and there were no words calling this domestic violence. There were no terms. Even now, I don't think in local languages there are terms to say this is domestic violence. I, at least in my language. I don't know what exists, so this is domestic violence. I, at least in my language. I don't know what exists. So this is a family issue. It's husband and wife don't get along. That's what they call it. They don't say that she's going because it's up to a woman. It's a patriarchal society, like what Jasia said. It's up to the woman to make the marriage work. Wow. If she says I am not able to put up with it, I'm leaving, then it's her fault, it's not. He has to correct himself. Or you know, this is destroying the children and the wife. None of those. That topic doesn't come up at all.
Speaker 4:Wow, yeah, that's amazing. We're going to talk more about that in a minute, but I want to hear from Jasia. Jasia, tell me a little bit about how you got introduced to Nareka and maybe a little bit of your story about you know your life brought you to where you are here.
Speaker 5:Yeah. So I got involved in the domestic violence prevention movement as a volunteer in college. I was always drawn to social issues, partly because I think my experiences as a young person, also growing up in an immigrant household, kind of opened my eyes to social issues, and so I was involved in working with the homeless community and that eventually led me to getting involved with a local domestic violence organization. And so after college I ended up coming to the Fremont area and got employed with one of the domestic violence agencies here, like Naraka, partly because, as Prabha said, you know, domestic violence is kind of an issue that is not talked about in our community. It's sort of like it's a family issue that is addressed behind like closed doors.
Speaker 5:And, however, we know that the reality is that domestic violence has many, many societal impacts. So I kind of saw a lot of domestic violence growing up around me and I can only imagine what an immigrant survivor is going through. Survivor is going through trying to. You know, come to this country, you know learn about a new place and you know navigate, getting out of, getting staying safe in a relationship. So some of those experiences and understandings brought me to Naka and I'm very happy and fortunate that my background can contribute to helping folks in need.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's amazing, I'm interested. So, prabha, you moved to the US in 1992, is that?
Speaker 2:correct, that's right, and you lived in India before that.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 3:Okay, and then you are, your parents are immigrants.
Speaker 4:But you were born here in the US in 1992, is that correct? And you lived in India before that? Yes, and then you are.
Speaker 5:Your parents are immigrants but you were born here in the US, is that right? Yes, so my parents came to the US in the 90s and I was born shortly after they came to this country. So you know, I was sort of as they were learning this country. You know, I was also growing up here. You were learning it as well. Yeah.
Speaker 4:I just find it interesting, because I think it is fascinating, that both of you were surprised that something like this existed. You, prabha, had the experience of growing up in India, where the culture is just kind of like you know it's. It's like the story of the older fish asking the younger fish hey, how's the water? And they're like what's water?
Speaker 4:You know, in in in that, in that sense you're, you're like, you know, this is the culture that you've always known. It's, it was everything that made sense to you. In one sense, you, jossia, had a mixed experience because in the house, at home, you would have, and probably within your tightest community, you had, what existed from that South Asian culture that your parents grew up in and that they were from, but at the same time, you were being exposed to a lot of the American culture as well. So, but it's interesting to me that both of you were surprised because of what your experience had been within within that culture. Um, I, what would you say? Uh is the. I believe probably you were saying that the term for domestic violence does not even exist.
Speaker 3:Possibly, I don't know anymore. Possibly they have because laws India and Pakistan and other places, laws have changed. They have introduced laws to support survivors of domestic violence, so I'm sure they have to support survivors of domestic violence, so I'm sure they have. But when I was growing up, nobody used words to explain what is going on. These were not terms that you there were no terms that you used to say this person is going through domestic violence right.
Speaker 4:How many people work for Nareka?
Speaker 3:Right now 13.
Speaker 4:13?
Speaker 3:13.
Speaker 4:And you guys stay busy.
Speaker 3:Oh 7, oh really wow so.
Speaker 4:So I think that surprises me, and maybe it's because I have this, you know, vision of like a wonderful bay area community, you know, and it's just like the fact that you could have 13 people working for an organization like this and you're staying busy all the time with problems. I don't want, obviously you can't tell the stories of the people, but, like, what are some of the things that have surprised you the most as you've worked for Nureka?
Speaker 3:For me it's still surprising, so let me give you just a little numbers. I know data is not, so till the end of from Jan 1st 2024 to June 30th, we have served about 520 clients and seven close to 75 percent of them are South Asians. We don't, we provide our services to anyone who calls us. We are not saying yes, not South Asian, or we serve. So about 75 percent of them are South Asians. And I also run a support group and I was surprised even yesterday, one of the survivors telling me that I'm so glad I came to know of Narika, which was just a few months ago. Wow, so she's also lived in this country a while. Wow. And she said if I had known organizations like this were doing this kind of stuff, and even sometimes clients. All that they need is validation that what they're going through is not right, nothing more than that. Even to get that, they said, if I had known, I think I would have sought this help long time ago yeah, I think there's.
Speaker 4:There's got to be a multiple sides, multiple facets to that, because there's one, you know, I didn't know that the organization itself existed, but then, two, I didn't know that it was okay to reach out, yeah, to the organization, like I think you were even saying. It's something that the husbands and wives deal with. They don't get along in their home, but it's not an abuse issue, it's just a relationship problem. What's been the biggest, what's been the most surprising thing for you, josiah?
Speaker 5:I think the most surprising thing has been seeing how much resilience the survivors have even before connecting with us, and how they've managed to stay safe in their relationship in the ways that, um, they've needed to.
Speaker 5:And there was a key thing that you said that, um that stood out to me was that it it's okay to actually call us um. One thing that we always have, uh are telling folks on our helpline is that these conversations are confidential, um, and that's that's a really important thing to say on our helpline is that these conversations are confidential and that's that's a really important thing to say on the helpline, partly because, because the family unit is so important in South Asian culture, someone even reaching out and talking to a stranger about what's going on in their home is is very taboo and it's not okay. So so when some, when a survivor is calling us, we are actually thanking them and validating them for for calling and seeking that support, because that's what we're here for. So I am struck by their resilience and their courage to say what I'm experiencing is not okay and I'm going to ask for help.
Speaker 4:Wow, can you tell me like I know that probably you mentioned a number of services that you offer. You kind of listed off a few things very quickly um, what are? What are some of the like? What's the main thing that you find yourself dealing with? Like, is there one main problem or maybe a couple different things that you find yourself doing? I'm sure there's the extremes as well, where somebody, I mean, is in a horrible, you know, situation where it's just like you know you've got to get, we've got to help immediately. Hopefully that's not what you're always dealing with, but what are some of the main issues that you're dealing with on a regular basis?
Speaker 3:Okay, One of the main. Like ours, we deal with mostly South Asian community, so they're all immigrants. So one of the main things we deal is with their immigration status.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 3:So in the Bay Area, as you know, silicon Valley has a lot of tech workers and they are all on this visa, h-1b visa. So the spouse is dependent on the abuser and they're on a visa it's called H-4 visa. So the person holding the H-1B doesn't have any obligation to apply or renew the H-4 visa. So what happens is they get married, they come on an H-4, children born here are citizens US citizens so if the mom doesn't have a status, she has to go back home Because she's tied to her husband, who's a worker.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, there are immigration solutions available, but that is only if you have filed a police report or a restraining order. And many of them choose not to. They don't want law enforcement or the courts involved in their life, so they would have never made a report. So how do you apply for this U visa?
Speaker 3:or anything, and so it becomes a challenge to deal with the immigration status. That is one thing. The second thing is the financial dependency on the abuser. Many of them may not have what is called an EAD, a work permit to work in this country, and some of them are not given an EAD by the abuser, and many of them may not be qualified or they may be language challenged. They may not have enough English to get a job like even in a retail store or something like that. So then, and even if they are earning, we have some very high-earning survivors whose money goes into a joint account and they don't have access to their own.
Speaker 3:They never see it. Wow, they never see it.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 3:So that's the second biggest. I would actually say finance is the first and then immigration. These are the main two biggest issues, other than dealing with law enforcement and other things that we see. And then the third comes, which is the key is child custody.
Speaker 2:Okay, oh, wow, yeah, the key is child custody. Okay.
Speaker 3:Oh, wow, yeah, so we see. And in the South Asian community, one new thing that we are seeing you know more and more is the abuser calls the cops on the survivor, oh my word. So he may have tried. He or she may have tried to push the survivor. You know, may have tried to choke her or attack her, and sometimes the survivor puts their hand to push them away and there may be a nail mark, and that's enough.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 3:And sometimes they have recordings of the survivor saying things, but it is after they have been provoked into saying something and that's enough to get them arrested. And also there are the laws which have been put in place to support the. Survivor is being misused by the abuser to help themselves and child custody becomes a big issue, not if you don't have a legal status and stuff.
Speaker 3:It becomes very tough. Child custody battle becomes so. That is one of the reasons many survivors don't want to report it either the fear of losing the children would you?
Speaker 4:say the same would you. Would you add anything to that, jessia?
Speaker 5:yeah, I would. I would say that it's important to highlight that, um, survivors are experiencing these multiple abuses simultaneously. So, um, you know, to kind of like drive the point home, like if a survivor has uS citizen children, maybe they are unable to work and they're financially dependent and they're being threatened that the children will be taken away from you I have the money to hire attorneys and you don't, and so these are situations that are kind of like trapping a survivor in this cycle. Wow.
Speaker 4:So I have an interesting question to kind of maybe hear your take on this as well.
Speaker 4:So I was having a discussion the other day with somebody. Fremont, the city of Fremont, has been rated the happiest city in America three years in a row and obviously there's opinions as to why or how or if that's actually valid. But I was having a discussion yesterday with somebody and we were talking about the fact that one of the metrics that they use in doing that study is the divorce rate. So Fremont does not have a high divorce rate, and they were saying that part of the reason why that divorce rate is so low is because of the type of cultures that many of the families come from, that live here in Fremont come from, that live here in Fremont. And obviously what we're talking about speaks to the reason why the divorce rate is potentially and probably so low.
Speaker 4:And so my question for you is, in your experience and obviously, like you were saying, between January and June it was over 500 calls that you had to field and to respond to and so on, which is a lot you know. So I guess my question for you is what are your thoughts when you hear me say those like that idea of Fremont being the happiest city in America and that directly tied to the divorce rate. Like what do you feel coming from the South Asian culture, coming from the things that you've had to deal with? Like what are some of your thoughts on that title and those statistics?
Speaker 3:Yeah, this is a topic me and my kids talk about a lot actually, and they have a good laugh. So, yes, fremont has a large Asian population and it is possible that the divorce rate is low because of the cultural influence you know and we don't know in reality. Yes, they may be married on paper, but that doesn't mean that the marriage is working really right. So, and yeah, to me, I don't know, I felt like that was not a right assessment to say you know, yes, we do have Bart close by. You know, it's a good community. A lot of things are there in Fremont and I've lived here for so many years. I'm not going to complain about Fremont, but just based on the divorce statistics to say Fremont is the best place.
Speaker 4:I don't agree with that I was going to say, just to be clear, that's not the only metric that they use for determining that I just find it interesting that there are other human elements behind the metrics that kind of maybe cause a metric to lean one way or the other.
Speaker 5:What do you think, joss? I think it's important to understand that when we need to broaden our understanding of what it means to leave an abusive situation. In many times when survivors are leaving, it doesn't mean that the the relationship has necessarily ended, that they have filed for divorce. The you know, I think that's one of the important struggles that survivors are dealing with is is this issue of you know, do I file for divorce? Many times there's the practical issue of you know, if I file for divorce, then I there's the possibility that I'm gonna lose status in this country. So there's there's that reason that folks are not filing for divorce.
Speaker 5:And there, you know, many times divorce is also used as a threat by the abusive partner. You know, whether it's for practical reasons or because there's a lot of societal repercussions. One thing that is that's true for for domestic violence survivors in general, is oftentimes leaving also can mean losing their community, and particularly for immigrant survivors, if your home is in Fremont and the shelter maybe that's available is in another city, there's this fear of I'm going to go to a place that you know that's, you know, unknown I'm going to, I'm going to lose community, yeah, and so there there's a lot of societal pressures that that, even when a survivor has been able to leave the, the, the that environment, there are reasons they may they they may need to stay married or choose to stay married Wow.
Speaker 4:I was going to say. We had another guest on here like a month or two ago and we were talking about arranged marriages as well and how that factors into the relational challenges, the problems that might arise within a marriage relationship. And I think to your, to your point if, if, if, number one, there's an arranged marriage and number two, if it's up to the wife to make the marriage work, I mean that gets that become. There's a lot of pressure there, there's a lot, that's a lot of challenges that are attached to that but I want to include like it.
Speaker 3:It doesn't have to necessarily be an arranged marriage. It's possible the couple met in college or something, but they would have fought. Like it. It doesn't have to necessarily be an arranged marriage. It's possible the couple met in college or somewhere but they would have fought with the family to marry this person. It's possible. The family said he's not a good right fit for you or whatever, and they would have fought and even alienated the family at times.
Speaker 3:So, then again, they are fighting to keep this marriage going, because they fought so much to marry this person in the first place.
Speaker 4:Jossie, you had a comment.
Speaker 5:Yeah, I also wanted to add just the emotional aspect of survivors being gaslit, of survivors being gaslit. So you know, there is the societal pressure that you know the woman has to adjust and take care of the family, the children, their husband. You know, even if they want to work, the household comes first and then they're sort of allowed to work. The household comes first and then they're sort of allowed to work. So so part of the, the gaslighting and the emotional abuse that I'm so many of the survivors go through, is they're being told that you are not a good wife, you are not a good mother. And I want to just pause here and say that I know I'm using a lot of gendered language and part of that is because that domestic violence is a gender based issue and and so and Rebbe can share statistics Majority of the folks that we are serving are women. So so, kind of going back to like divorce rates, and this is where I kind of want to talk a little bit more about empowerment, the, the journey that a survivor goes through is it can be incredibly long. You know I go back to.
Speaker 5:You know, sometimes when a survivor has left is is finally when they've gotten the freedom to start to live their life. You know so. So there is a lot of, you know, with the help of the therapists that we work with, survivors also have access to support groups. They are building community with other survivors, um and through through that journey of um working, working through their trauma, um gaining um empowerment. Uh, that's often needed before they, before um, they believe an injustice has been done to them. Because, uh, you know, many times when, um, when survivors do speak up, um, especially like maybe early on in the marriage they've shared with their parents hey, you know this is going on. They're told to. You know, adjust, work through it. You know things like that, that, and so there's also this journey of empowerment that a survivor, survivor goes to where it takes time to, to take control of that. That's great, that's great, I'm curious.
Speaker 4:I really like what you're talking about, as far as, like, it's not just rescuing and pulling people out of a horrible situation, but there's like a whole nurturing and a building up and empowering element to this as well, because I, you know, I think it's you know.
Speaker 4:They say you can give you can give a boy a fish or you can teach him how to fish, you know, it's like, in some sense, you can help them in a situation, but oftentimes, I think, probably because of the cultural, the power of the culture that they're in, they gravitate right back into a situation similar to that again, or back into the one that they were just rescued out of. So being able to give them the power and the freedom to be able to say, no, I don't have to stay in this, I can make my own decisions, I can make my own decisions, I can be my own person, that sort of thing I think is wonderful. I'm curious if there's a part of this that you guys are doing that is more preventative than it is responsive. So I'm curious because it seems to me, yes, especially if there's so many things happening this area that there you know be helpful to have some sort of prevention option available for people as well.
Speaker 3:So we do have a prevention program. It's called SUFFL and there is enough curriculum and training going on in the community. But this is more at the parenting level. How do you raise a kid who doesn't become an abuser, right? So at that level is where our prevention has started. But you know, in the leadership and stuff this is a discussion, ongoing discussion challenge I and J Jasya and others in the team we have is we. The clients we get are mostly first generation immigrants, right? So this education has to happen, start back home, not after they get married and come here.
Speaker 3:But we do a lot of outreach in small communities. We do a lot of outreach in small communities, like in the gurudwaras and culturally specific. You know, like sometimes during Diwali and stuff, there are like some events happening. So we do table there and stuff to spread the word on what domestic violence is right, so that maybe hopefully a young person who just got married and came at least know, okay, what are the signs I need to, what are the red flags, what do I need to look if they have that doubt in their mind am I, what is happening to me? Is there something not right about it? At least then hopefully they get one of our flyers and read it, they know that that, okay, this is what domestic. This is called domestic violence. Yeah.
Speaker 5:And I'd also like to add that one of our intentions with creating the prevention program is, you know, we see that so so many survivors and I would, I would say this is not just true to survivors, but just people in general have never really seen healthy relationships modeled. And I will say that, you know, in our culture there is, when it comes to know that you, you really do want your children to succeed, particularly in education. So I think oftentimes like, um, like young, young South Asian folks are experiencing a lot of pressure from like parents and and things like that. So so you know how to you know, be able to communicate healthy if you've never seen that, that modeled and and I think what one um, one uh thing that I want to highlight that we talk about in the prevention program is, um, like how, how parents can apologize to their children you know, because you have to be able to see that modeled to, to be able to reciprocate it.
Speaker 5:And and that to be able to reciprocate it.
Speaker 4:That's exactly right.
Speaker 5:And that, you know, parenting is a really tough job and it requires a lot of compassion and forgiveness to yourself, and so we really wanted to create that space, because there is a huge, I think, gap between, you know, folks who come to this country and folks who are, who are growing up here. I, I can definitely speak to that, you know. I I grew up in a very traditional home and well, I think I think one thing, one key experience for me that I'm aware of, is growing up here, I've had a lot more opportunities and freedoms to do things that previous generations of women in my family have not been able to do, of women in my family have not been able to do so. With my privilege and understanding of issues that immigrants face, I feel like I've been able to bring that into my work.
Speaker 4:That's great. So I've got a question, because you guys primarily deal with South Asian situations, which I think I mean that's what we've been talking about. But America, the Western culture, does not have it all together either.
Speaker 2:I mean we've got our whole set of problems.
Speaker 4:So in some sense, I guess my question is it's like what are some of the highlights of prevention, what are some of the things that are helpful? Because I can imagine there's also a sense of pride about your own culture. You know there's also a sense of like identity that you are here in America, but you know you're from India. You know, or you're from, you know and or you're from you know whatever community that it is that that you're coming from, and so what are some of the things that are maybe that maybe, that are maybe not tied to a culture but are just important things for humans to learn?
Speaker 3:Yeah, since we brought this, we run many support groups and our support groups, a lot of them, are a mixed crowd, it's not just South Asians. And when it comes to domestic violence itself, the problems that each survivor faces is pretty much the same, right, whether it's what kind of abuse. Well, immigrants may have that immigration abuse as an added thing, but if you see, in the general mindset, it doesn't matter who it is. You know, it can be a white woman, a black woman, a South Asian woman. But you know, jasya talked about that leaving the relationship. I don't think the mindset is very different between any of the cultures.
Speaker 3:There are many studies to say people in domestic violence relation, it's harder for them to leave the relationship. In South Asian culture we can say, okay, these are the problems, maybe that they're not leaving. But white women, black women, they all have other issues which for to which they are tied to this person, for whatever reason it is, you know, and many of it is not because of money or homelessness, or it can be something which which they were raised with. Right, so feel in outreach even. It's good that we started with the parenting part and during the Teen Dating Violence Month, we do go to high schools, talk to teenagers have to know, right, what are the red flags I need to watch out for, and they should be able to articulate what they are seeing within their own families or what they're seeing. In fact. The teen rate of domestic violence, I think is one is to three. Yeah, right.
Speaker 3:One in three. Yeah, one, that's high, that's very high, that's very. And it is not whether they are South, it is across cultures. It's one in three. So education needs to start. It doesn't matter where you come from when you start a relationship. It's to identify, because many of them may have normalized domestic violence from what they see. It's a learned behavior. They would have normalized it.
Speaker 3:So to unlearn all those I think needs to start at a younger age and not after the relationship has already been set, because we see a pattern. Even kids growing up here, maybe South Asians or non-South Asians, there is a pattern to the relationship. If you see, right from the start they fall into the same cycle of getting into an abusive relationship. So for me I think prevention starts at a younger age. Say we are seeing at narica. I would say it has to start the day they step into um the airport and out. I think they need, they should be given at least a pamphlet, a brochure in the thing giving them resources, I helping them identify what healthy, unhealthy, especially if they're entering through a visa connected to their marriage. I think helping them know what is unhealthy, healthy, the difference between these relationships I think goes a long way.
Speaker 4:Wow, do you have any thoughts on that?
Speaker 5:One key thing that we talk about in our prevention work is how to have healthy conflict and resolve it in a healthy way, because the truth is, in any type of relationship you have whether it's an intimate partner relationship or it's a sibling, cowork-worker conflicts do come up and how do you resolve it in a healthy manner, and particularly in our prevention program, it's focused on conflict between parent and child, and especially when.
Speaker 5:I also want to add that for the survivors we're working with, many times they have been told that they are not a good parent, or they haven't been able to parent in a healthy manner because of what has been going on, or their child has been impacted by the domestic violence they have either witnessed or experienced the domestic violence they have either witnessed or experienced. So you know something as simple as you know if your child is doing something that might be upsetting you, not escalating the situation, maybe taking a break where you ground yourself before engaging with your child and I think that's a skill that anybody can use and learn and it's very important to have is grounding yourself before engaging in something. That's great.
Speaker 4:It's really sad that this exists, that a need for Narika is so strong it is there for how we ought to behave and and and act toward one another. Um, show kindness, or you know, forgiveness, or you know whatever it is. Um, you would think that there wouldn't be a need for this, and yet it it still. It still exists. And, um, what are some of the challenges that, uh, the organization Narika faces? Like, uh, what are some of the hurdles? And are there? Are there things that you guys feel pressure on? I mean, I, I mean, maybe I'm making it up in my head, but I, I can only imagine that if you guys exist, the organization exists, and there are abusers out there with a lot of power and strength. I can imagine that it's not an easy thing for you to navigate and even just kind of even exist as an organization in some ways.
Speaker 4:And the fact that you've been around for what? 92,? It's been 30 years maybe it just seems like that would be a. You probably have faced many challenges along the way and you probably are facing challenges as well. So what are some of the things that, as an organization, you guys find challenging?
Speaker 3:I think, first, challenging, of course, money. No matter how much money we have, it's never enough, because that much work, especially when it comes to legal help, all this costs a lot of money. And we do provide them with food and stuff. So money, no matter how much we have, it's never enough. And the other to me, the other thing is confidence. To me, the other thing is confident keeping the con, like at anything that's said to us. It's confidential, you know.
Speaker 3:But we also want to make sure that the client so that because of the tech, the tech advancement now, so tech abuse, technology, I feel, is one of the major, one of the challenges that we are seeing. To keep the survivors safe, to make sure their phones are not tracked, their laptop there is no GPS tracker in their car, and so on. That is another major challenge. And for us, the other challenges also, you know, are we? Sometimes we may not hear from a survivor for a long time. It is not understanding is she safe or did we not give her the right resources? And when we lose that contact, we are not. But most of the time we say that they are taking time to think. For themselves.
Speaker 3:You know most of the we see them come back, but that period for me is very difficult.
Speaker 2:It's challenging.
Speaker 3:It's like is everything okay with this person? Because we cannot call the cops and say hey, do a well, check on this person. Because of confidentiality reason, we cannot do that. So for me and for me's like, if I don't, for some survivors we may not have the right resources right and they end up going back to the abuser yeah for me that's the hardest part when you know whether it's because of community or lack of resources that they are going back to the abuser. That's, for me, the biggest challenge.
Speaker 5:Would you?
Speaker 4:add anything, Jessie.
Speaker 5:So I think, by nature of what NARCA does, trying to address gender-based violence. We are fighting against systems of oppression patriarchy and all of that.
Speaker 5:So I think you know we talked earlier about how you know these conversations are often, you know, hard to have and, you know, very taboo.
Speaker 5:But one of the challenges and areas I think where people can support is lean in, you know, but believe survivors when they are sharing their stories, because the more you know, sometimes people might not have the funds to donate, but but you, you may be passionate about the cause and just you know, at least providing that support, whether it's, like you know, on like a community level, or you know, one in four women experience domestic violence, and we know that domestic violence is one of the most chronically underreported crimes, reported crimes. And so we the reality is, most of us probably know a survivor, and so it's so important that survivors are believed, and that's, I think, one of the number one things that NARCA needs, along with funding, because the reality is that so many times survivors are going back because they are feeling so isolated, they don't have the community support, they they feel like the the road to safety is is is too long or it's too hard, and and having that support is so important.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's great. So I'm going to wrap it up here. I appreciate you guys' time and all your information and feedback. I kind of want to end not that I want to make light of anything, but I kind of want to end on a happier note, I guess maybe. What are some of the things that you appreciate about your culture and this maybe the area that we live in, where immigrants find a new home here? What are some of the things that you appreciate and some of the things that you find empowering already that exist within your communities?
Speaker 3:For me it's you know, survivors being here, they are heard, you know they actually have, there are resources for them to get you know, validate that what they're going through is and NARICA organizations like NAR, like narika and save and others they can seek help from us. Right and and as a cultural thing for me is is culturally there are many positives that we can help them with and actually some of the old wisdom if you listen to the grandmas and stuff actually and I add that a lot to the support group saying, you know, this is what my grandma really said and actually this is what she meant, you know. So we can bring in a lot of the cultural thing to help them too. You know, and every quarter we do kind of a gathering for the survivors. We try to do it around Ramadan or Diwali so that you know they come dressed in their clothes and their fineries and food and stuff, just so that we help them break that isolation. And Bay Area really has a large South Asian community.
Speaker 3:I think, like Jasya said, if we help the community, help them understand, bring them to the organizations or even just believe them, nothing more.
Speaker 4:What would you say to my question?
Speaker 5:I would say that nothing gets done without food in our culture. You know we love our celebrations and you know, even even in our work, you know so much of our community building involves food, whether it's where you know we're caring for the survivors, whether like bringing food to them at a support group, or so many times like they they want to bring something to to share. You know from from their own culture, and so there's just there. There's a lot of culinary talents among the, the women that that we work with, so that's great.
Speaker 3:It is so nice to see the survivors come together, not differentiating which country they are from. It's just that togetherness and many of them bond over these groups and create a group on their own where they do meet outside, and so that's like I feel like a big positive that we have coming out of these groups and they're not differentiating. Do you have money? I have money, do you? Which country are you from? None of those things.
Speaker 4:That's great.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I think that you know, in some sense summing up what we've been talking about, the problem that you guys have committed your, your energy and your, your lives to help as a human problem.
Speaker 4:It's not a cultural problem, Um, but on the flip side of that, um, part of the answer is a human answer as well, recognizing that it's. You know that, as somebody comes out of this and they're an Afghan or they're from you know Pakistan, or they're from India or they're from America, that, like coming together around a good and a better humanity, is really something that unites us, as opposed to just our cultures and the things that that we have. It doesn't mean that we want to diminish those beautiful things of each culture. It just means that, ultimately, it's not the thing that separates us. You know these things are not where. It's not a bad. It's not a bad culture in the sense that this is an abusive culture. It's just that this is there's. You have to learn how to deal with those problems within the culture that that you that you that you're a part of yeah, if people wanted to reach out to narika.
Speaker 4:Like how do they do that? Is there um website phone number?
Speaker 5:yes, they can go to narikaorg okay and we um also run a helpline, so our helpline number is 800-215-7308. And our helpline operates from Monday through Friday, 8 am to 8 pm. Or if you know somebody that needs help and you want to talk to a domestic violence advocate, you can reach out to speak to someone, and everything that's spoken about on the helpline is confidential.
Speaker 4:That's great Thank you guys very much, I really appreciate it and thank you for the work that you're doing in our community. Thank you.
Speaker 2:This episode was hosted and produced by Ricky B. I'm Gary Williams, andrew Kvet is the editor. Scheduling and pre-interviews by Sarah S. Be sure to subscribe wherever it is that you listen so you don't miss an episode. You can find everything we make, the podcast and all of our social media links at thefremontpodcastcom. Join us next week on the Fremont Podcast.
Speaker 3:This is a Muggins Media Podcast.